Tag: Fiction

  • John Carney: or how I learned to stop worrying and love art

    John Carney: or how I learned to stop worrying and love art

    The first time I consciously became aware of John Carney’s films was in 2016 with his indie hit Sing Street. And then I realised I’d already experienced another of his hits three years prior; Begin Again starring Mark Ruffalo and Keira Knightly. More recently I caught Flora and Son on Apple TV.

    There seems to be a recurring theme across all his films: even in the darkest of times, when all hope seems to be lost, from the pits of despair, art can well and truly save the world.

    Warning: if you haven’t seen any of these films, this post may contain spoilers.

    Just fucking do it

    The last line in Flora and Son literally is “you’re fuckin’ shite” in reference to Flora’s (played by Bono’s daughter, Eve Hewson) open mic performance. And on some level, she probably already knew that it was going to be shite.

    But that didn’t stop her. Teaming up with her talented producer son, she put together a banger that may just have been a little ahead of its time. But it wasn’t the song that had an impact. It was the timing.

    Flora, just like Conor Lawlor in Sing Street, has nothing to live for. She has a crappy relationship with her son, separated from her husband and has to wipe bums (literally) as a child minder for a living.

    Similarly, Conor has been demoted to public school, doesn’t own a pair of black shoes, his parents are getting divorced and, to top it all, he gets on the wrong side of the class bully.

    Both films have two things in common: 1) Jack Reynor and 2) the “victims” turn to art (music) as a way out of their miserable state of affairs.

    And that’s exactly what’s needed now more than ever.

    How art can save lives

    I want to add Greta from Begin Again, played by Keira Knightly, into the mix. Overshadowed by her sexy rockstar boyfriend (I see you Adam Levine), Greta decides to take matters into her own hands and, with the help of a burned-out record executive, Dan (pre-hulk Mark Ruffalo), she finds her voice, her confidence and grit to step out of her ex-boyfriend’s shadow. Only thing missing in Begin Again is Jack Reynor.

    The three instances I’ve highlighted are a reflection of what happens every single day. Somewhere, somehow, there’s a person sitting on the next great American novel, a killer musical composition or even a screenplay waiting to be green lit by Hollywood’s finest.

    But most people don’t… act. They sit in fear of being judged and allow the passages of time to wash their creativity away, until one day they wake up on their death beds and realise their entire life has been pointless.

    So if you have a gift, whether that’s painting, writing, music or something else, wake up. Wake the fuck up.

    The world needs you and your art. And it needs it now.

    How Bill Crandall and Film Club saved my life

    I once aspired to be a novelist. In my twenties, I actually spent one summer writing day and night and came up with a couple of half-decent manuscripts.

    A few years after that I took a sabbatical to focus on two more novels, both of which I managed to complete and circulate to literary agents for representation.

    And then COVID hit, the publishing industry was turned upside down and I didn’t hear back from any of the agents who had requested my manuscripts.

    I lost hope. I turned to other endeavours as a way out (mainly becoming a copywriting hack) and told myself that it’s okay. That the world didn’t need me or my art. That I would do just fine without it.

    And then a few weeks back I met Bill Crandall at a party. We started talking about films and by the end of the night, agreed to meet up once a week for a showing at his house. There’s a separate post dedicated to this experience here.

    What I wanted to say was that through a series of art house films – and Bill’s encouragement – my wobbling hand finally picked the pen up again. I started this blog, blew the dust off my shelved novels and just started flexing my previously atrophied creative muscles again. And let me tell you: it feels fucking good.

    It doesn’t matter if it’s “good” or not

    Coming back to that last line in Flora and Son, (“you’re fuckin’ shite”) one thing I’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter what somebody else thinks about your art. If you enjoy doing it, like really enjoy, everything else will fall into place.

    Another scene that perfectly captures this sentiment is in Sing Street when Conor stands up to the bully and says, “you only have the power to stop things, but not to create” and that shit hits hard.

    Destructive forces are at hand. We have “AI creators” now and Elon Musk thinks Grok can make a better version of Nolan’s Odyssey (as if). It’s up to us now to take a stand.

    Let John Carney’s characters do the talking

    For when you fear being mocked:

    “Rock and roll is a risk. You risk being ridiculed” – Brendan to his brother, Conor

    For when you think you need to know how to do everything 100% right:

    “Did the Sex Pistols know how to play? You don’t need to know how to play. Who are you, Steely Dan? You need to learn how NOT to play, Conor. That’s the trick. That’s rock and roll. And THAT… takes practice.” Brendan again.

    If you feel like life is “meh”:

    “One of the most banal scenes is suddenly invested with so much meaning! All these banalities – They’re suddenly turned into these… these beautiful, effervescent pearls. From Music.” – Dan (Mark Ruffalo) in Begin Again

    And then this exchange between Dan and Greta in Begin Again perfectly captures the quintessence of John Carney and how art can change lives:

    Dave: But we’re just gonna have to find a way to get through this, get through this together.

    Greta: When did you, like, when did you realize that?

    Dave: When you sang to me on my voice mail. I realized that nobody on Earth in their right mind would ever do anything remotely like that, and… that killed me. That crushed me. You… completely won me over.

    Greta: You know, I wasn’t actually trying to win you over. I was trying to tell you to fuck off.

    Bottom line

    Here it is: tune up that guitar, fill up that pen, dust off that typewriter, and then – immerse. Immerse. Immerse. If not for you then for the world.

  • Chapter 3: Start

    Angry buzz. Brain throbbing. Nausea. Eyes opening. Burning daylight! Eyes snap shut. A groan. Two groans. Soft… A breast. Not alone. Heart about to burst out of chest. Who’s that drilling in the distance? What’s that smell. Cigarettes. Alcohol. Morning breath. Who’s morning breath? Just a peek. Adjust. Who is she? And… a fingernail on the other side. Not a nail, a talon! Who is she! Come on fatty. Up. Get up. Get up fatty. Fatty. FATTY!

    Ronaldo sat bolt upright in a bed that wasn’t his. Somebody had forgotten to shut the damn curtains. And the window! The smell of cooking oil in a vat on a stove from across the street. Kids shouting as bare feet met leather. Rainbow flicks and elasticos. Some folksy samba on crackling speakers… radio? Where the fuck am I?

    The one on the left reached across, her hand running over Ronaldo’s ample belly. “Morning, gordo.”

    Gordo. Fatty.

    “Don’t call me that.”

    “Why so sensitive? You were not like this last night at the bar.”

    Bar? What bar?

    “Aii, keep it down,” the one on the right yawned and stretched, kicking off the single sheet that had apparently covered all three of them. “It’s too early to talk.”

    “You keep it down, idiota. Who forgets to draw the curtains at night?”

    “I think you both should shut up,” Ronaldo climbed out of bed with some difficulty.

    “Aiii, you used to move a lot better on the pitch, eh?”

    Ronaldo yawned as he pulled on his clothes that were in a heap on the floor. “How much do I owe you?”

    “Owe… what do you think we are, whores?”

    “I mean-“

    “Just get the fuck out, balofo!” she reached over and threw a slipper at his head.

    Out on the street, it was chaos. Hawkers pushing carts with their provisions. Women hanging washing up on makeshift clotheslines. A passed-out drunk sleeping on newspaper. Those kids playing.

    The ball bounced right in front of Ronaldo. Instinct kicked in and he controlled it. Perfect first touch.

    The kids chasing after the ball stopped in their tracks and gasped, staring open-mouthed and wide-eyed at their greatest idol.

    Bom Dia, friends,” Ronaldo said cheerfully, one foot resting on the ball.

    F-f-“

    “Uhh-“

    Fenomeno!” He forgot that he was admired among these younglings.

    “How did you ever recognise me?” Ronaldo said, laughing spiritedly. “Oh, here.” He flicked the ball up, did a few kickups, took aim and put his lace right through the ball, sending it up into the stratosphere.

    Ohhh take that one! Maaagnificent from Ronaldo!

    He timed it as it came back down and, once again, with his deft touch, killed it dead in one, bringing fresh cheers and jubilation from his fans.

    “Thank you, thank you. Here,” he flicked it back to one of the kids, who caught it.

    “Obrigado, Don Ronaldo! How I wish you were still playing for the Seleccion, we would have SMASHED those Germans!”

    Time. Frozen. Silhouette. Show yourself! Tall. Blonde. Hands like dustbin lids. Takes up the whole fucking goal. I know who you are. I finished you off in ’02. You’re not fooling me.

    Ronaldoooo! It’s two-nil! And Ronaldo is rampant now! Resplendent Ronaldo. Two for him. Two for Brazil.

    Yes. Yes. If I was there on Tuesday instead of Fred or Hulk or whoever the fuck. We both know what would have happened:

    Tony Kroos. Oh wait, stolen on the halfway line by Ronaldo. Ronaldo bearing down on goal. One V One against Manuel Neuer. Ronaldoooooo!

    Resplendent Ronaldo. Resplendent…

    Resplendent: shining brighter than the brightest fucking star. Dazzling. Magnificent.

    Resplendent: Ronaldo.

    The kids ran back down the street, a trail of dust rising behind them. And when it cleared, so too did the path ahead.

    Surely Ronaldo. It’s 5 – 3. He just can’t stop scoring

    Clinically, I wouldn’t say zero percent. But less than one percent.

    Ausgerechnet Ronaldo. Vor vier Jahren noch der tragische Held von Paris, heute der Triumphator von Yokohama!

    Helped you through all your injuries.

    That is World Class! Absolute genius from the young Brazilian

    You used to move a lot better on the pitch, eh?

    And here’s Ronaldo… he’s going all the way… ohhhh goodness me! It’s a goal to win any football match.

    Neymar… no. Not him. Not yet.

    A hattrick for Ronaldo… What can you do to stop him?

    Silhouette. Clearing. So it’s not you, then, Kahn. You’re the other one. The new one. The man they call Neuer.

    Neuer: Newer in German.

    You stopped Brazil from scoring, but who were you even up against? Fred? Oscar? Hulk? You’re lucky you didn’t face me, punk. Well, don’t count yourself lucky yet. I’m coming for you buceta. I’m coming for you.

    Buceta: C***

    Suddenly he was alone on the road. The kids had gone. The drunk had gone. Everybody had gone.

    I played the lottery every week hoping to hit the jackpot, but I never knew the real winning ticket was the little boy breaking my vases in the living room with a ball.

    Mama…

    1994. August. PSV.

    Lançamento para Ronaldo atenção pode ser agora Ronaldo chut Goooooool!

    Breathe. Stillness. Wind. Turn down the wind. Total silence. Oblivion.

    Less than one percent chance

    “Screw you, doctor.”

    First step.

    There was a point in his run here, when he breezed through two defenders, who’d made a wall to deny him

    Wall. Shameless fatty.

    No. Shake it off.

    Second step.

    Round the goalkeeper and scores… they just can’t keep him out.

    Third step.

    It’s not only his speed, it’s his body strength too that took him clear of the Valencia defence and once again an emphatic finish.

    Time. Unused quads. Unused calves. Unused hams. Dormant. Awake. Awake!

    I don’t remember properly but I went to sleep and then, like the doctor said, it seems I had a seizure for 30 or 40 seconds. I woke up and then my whole body was in pain.

    Less than one percent chance.

    Come on! Come on dammit! Awake! Awake!

    the speed of a sprinter, the strength of a bull, and the feet of a dancer.

    “Eh. Balofo.” What? Who, now? Another gaddamn imposter coming to make fun of me, is it? Wait…

    “Don Zico-” Ronaldo fell to his knees in front of his idol.

    “Get up, Balofo. Your time isn’t up yet.”

    Balofo: fatty.

    “But the doctor…”

    “What do doctors know? They’ve never been on the field of battle. Never felt the pain of losing. Never stepped up to take a penalty in a final. So again I ask, what the fuck do they know?” (Don Zico meant no disrespect to doctors on the front line day in day out. He’s merely trying to inspire his greatest Protege).

    “Don Zico, my legs, they won’t work.”

    “Goddamn you. Is this how you want to be remembered? As a fat has-been who’s name got stolen by some Portuguese Panaca? You ever tried looking up the name “Ronaldo” on the internet?”

    “Not in a while, no.”

    “Well I have. And it’s all him. That dull number 7 they worship. What about the one man who terrified defenders? The one even the likes of Cannavaro were scared shitless of?”

    Ronaldo shut his eyes tight. Shut out the pain. “Don Zico…”

    “What! What, dammit! Is that how you want to be remembered? You were supposed to be my heir. How can you call yourself my heir when you haven’t yet finished the job?”

    “I’ve had my time. Now it’s up to Ney and the others.”

    “Ney and the others. Look at you! Didn’t you see what happened on Tuesday?” both gazed into space for a second, then Zico shook his head and continued, “no, let’s face it. I’d rather have half of you than ten of all of them put together!”

    “But-“

    “No excuses!”

    Hypothyroidism: a common… excuse for giving up on dreams

    To me he’s the best Brazilian striker that I saw on the field. Because not only did he score, but also his preparation. He did important things as a striker.

    He was a player with a lot of technique, he was fast, he had a gift to dribble with ease

    – Zico on Ronaldo Nazario

    “Now you see it, don’t you Balofo. Go out now and shut them up. Shut me up. You are the greatest that I ever saw on the field…”

    Ronaldo blinked and Don Zico was gone. Apparitions. And he’s still living.

    Fourth step.

    Come on. Start. Just start.

    Crouch. Ready for the spring.

    There’s the run. Burst past Hamann.

    Steady. Breathe.

    Wörns couldn’t stay with him.

    Steady.

    And there’s no stopping Ronaldo in a flow like that

    NOW!

    Fifth step.

    And go…